Erin's first sleepover

Erin is only four but her friend is having a sleepover birthday party in about a week. Yes I know, her mom is crazy, not literally but you know. Erin is excited about it and there is really no reason for her not to be able to go but I am not happy thinking about it. She is four and my baby. I have never been apart from my girls for a night before and I don't know if I can handle the idea of not tucking her in and kissing her good night. I know I will let her go and I know she will have a good time and be just fine. I know this in my head but my heart will miss her. I will feel incomplete being at home without her. I am always with them. If they are not at school, they are with me.

I can only imagine when it will be Jada's first sleepover how much I will be freaking out!

Secret Santa Gift

We loved our gift from our Secret Santa. It was perfect. We actually cheated and opened it the day it came which was about two weeks before Christmas but the girls and I were having a rough time to I decided we needed a little cheer.

It really was the perfect gift. We all got Twister to play together. The girls each had their own things to unwrap as well. They had necklaces and braclets. And I had a giftcard on top of all of it.

The card made me cry (like I said, it was a rough time).

Thank you so much Joanne at Death of a Pancreas.

(I don't know how to do the hyperlink thing so any help is appreciated!)

What a weekend!

Where to begin...

Christmas Eve was great! My brothers (I have two) and their wives and kids gather at my mom's on Christmas Eve afternoon/evening. The kids play. Adults visit. We all eat and then open presents. We all had a good time. Erin is at the stage where she asks questions that she already knows the answer to or she repeats a question that someone else just asked. Its quite aggravating, so aside from that and the repeat question from all the kids about opening presents, I was great!

Christmas morning, the girls woke up bright and early, a little to early for my liking since I waited until Christmas Eve to wrap all the Christmas morning presents and was up so late! Every year I tell myself that I am not going to do that again but every year I do. Oh well, maybe next year! Anyway. The girls loved the Zhu Zhu pets and played with them first. Then we started opening other gifts. They loved everything. You can tell my the mess that became of our living room (which if I was better at this blogging thing, I would have remembered to take pictures of!). I think they are most excited about the Leapsters they each got. They like the Zhu Zhu pets. My mom got them each a scooter so they have been riding all over the house with those. The best part about being single....no obligations. Since I have no husband or significant other that I must share holidays with, we didn't have to go anywhere. (On the other hand, worst part about bing single...the lonliness. But I am determined to only look at the good about being single!) We were able to stay home and have a quiet lunch and the girls were able to play with their new stuff all day. I was lucky enough to get all three Pirates of the Caribbean movies so I watched numbers two and three. The girls were annoyed with Captain Jack Sparrow but I wasn't! We had a good day!

On Saturday, we ventured out to go shopping. Both Jada and Erin's drawers were over flowing with clothes that no longer fit them so they needed new clothes! We racked up on that, had some lunch and headed to the movies. We enjoyed Alvin and the Chipmunks and spent the rest of the weekend at home.

Patience vs. Hyperactivity

I feel like my patience is in a boxing match with hyperactivity. My patience won yesterday's round but I don't know how many more rounds my patience can hold out. I am thinking medication changes need to be made in the afternoon because something just isn't working.

Short post today. Today, I feel like I have nothing to offer. I feel defeated by bipolar and adhd. I feel like my child is lost within herself. It is not a good feeling to have.

School Meeting and Dentist

Yesterday was a busy day. We had a SBLC meeting at school yesterday morning to discuss Jada's progress and transition with the one-on-one aide that has been working with her for the last six weeks (due to her bipolar and ADHD). Jada has made tremendous progress over the last month and a half. She was having some real trouble at school and was an inch away from being suspended. While we were working on getting her medicine right, she has had an aide with her for the day. It has been great! She is being successful and everyone is very proud of her. So am I. The last day with the aide will be the Friday after they return from the holiday break so I am a bit nervous about how Jada will do. But I am a worrier and I am sure she will do just fine. She will also start over on the discipline matrix which is great news.

She also had a dentist appointment again but with the new dentist office. I picked her up from school and headed there. She seemed sluggish so I check her bg...she was at 75. Not too bad but not good considering we wouldn't be eating for about an hour. I gave her two glucose tabs to hold her over. It was her turn. The hygienist's name was Tabitha. She was so good with her. She showed Jada all of the tools that she would be using and explained everything to her before having her lay on the chair. Jada responded very well to her and did everything without any problems. She got her teeth cleaned and x-rays done, no cavities. She was very excited. The office staff there are so great! Jada was so proud of herself. As was I. She tells me after we left that the lady there was much nicer than at the other place. Of course I agreed with her. When we were done, we headed to get her some lunch. Check her bg...285. I have never know glucose tabs to raise her that much but it could have been the tooth polish stuff they used that she swallowed. Who knows.... After she ate, she wanted to go back to school so I brought her back and she had a good afternoon there. Then she fell asleep in class and missed the bus! Class party today!

Updated: I am fuming!!!

They read Polar Express in the library today and want to give the kids hot chocolate so they call me! They won't allow Jada to bolus herself. So my choices are let her have the hot chocolate so that she can be a kid like the others with out any bolus causing her bg to go high, leave work and miss well needed money to go bolus her, or not let her have it. So I said give it to her. Now I am about in tears. Two choices for me now, go to school upset and bolus her or just wait an hour for the nurse to go. Okay well I am heading to school...won't be able to concentrate until this is taken care of.

Update: I am back from school. By the time I got there her bg had gone from 151 (before hot chocolate) to 285 (after hot chocolate. There is no written rule that she can not give herself the insulin. According to the nurse, there are a lot of not written rules. She compared it to a child that takes a pill for something and wants to take extra because their parent says so. So not the same thing. A pill is a certain milligram prescribed to be given at a certain time of the day. Insulin is being pumped all day long into her body. Insulin is needed at any time food is consumed. So not the same thing. I have to schedule a meeting with the nursing supervisor who is out today. I have met her before and she is a stick in the mud, mean old lady.

So I just have this feeling that they will hold their ground stating that she is too you. So other solutions are: all of her teachers have to notify me in advance of any food activity going on, the nurse needs to be able to be there to accommodate her, she should be allowed to bolus herself, or there should be no food activities planned for anyone. Of course they will say that she doesn't have to participate in any food activity. Sure, lady, you try explaining to a six year old why she can't have what everyone else is having. You tell her its because you make up some standard rule because you are a fool who could gives a rat's a** about her being able to have a "normal" school experience.

Obviously, I need to get my emotions and words in line before I make my case. But I just don't understand how, in a hospital, Jada can do it all but not in a freakin school!

Holiday Parties

Why do schools, teachers, counselors, well everyone in the world think that the holidays should be about eating? For any kid without D, it really isn't a big deal. But for me and my kid with D, it is. Mostly for me, anyway. Jada lacks impulsivity control. She will say what is on her mind and just doesn't realize that things are appropriate, whether it be calling someone fat (a word I hate, because I am over weight) or telling some stranger in the store to move their basket out of the way. What does this have to do with holidays and food, well I am getting there, I tend to ramble. Because of this impulsivity issue and a handful of other difficulties, Jada attends a social skills group with her school counselor every Monday. Today was their holiday party in which I was informed about and asked what Jada can eat. Mrs. S (the counselor) is very sweet and has good intentions. After having the same conversation with her a few times, it was concluded that the kids would eat popcorn and have juice pouches (the Capri Sun Roaring Waters). It seems that every time she would ask me what Jada can eat, she would stop listening to my answer and all she would hear was "She can eat anything, but". Of course, the rest of my sentence was ..."but she needs insulin to cover any food she eats." I don't think she ever heard that part. So I told Jada that she would need to bolus herself this morning but I would call and tell her how many carbs to put it. Jada is only six but she has D which makes her more responsible in some areas. Jada is perfectly capable of bolusing herself for carbs and bg, but the school won't allow it. When Jada was in the hospital in October (not D related and I could only go during visiting hours), she worked her pump the entire time. She would go so quickly that the nurses couldn't keep up sometimes. I think I am about ready to fight that battle with the school. It seems that other things going on are about as leveled off as they will be for a while. So, knowing that the school wouldn't okay it, I called the unknowing Mrs. S and told her to tell Jada to EZCarb herself for 20 g and she did it. Jada has D. It is her disorder. She has a pump attached to her body. To me it is that simple. I realize that with her being six there is room for error on her part, but what would it hurt for an adult to verify that she entered the correct bg number, carbs, or insulin amount? Is that too much to ask for? I don't think so. I have been in survival mode for a while and haven't been able to tackle these types of issues but I think now may be the time. Do they not realize that I work and I need every minute of that pay to barely make it? It isn't very convenient to leave work to bolus her for a high bg or carbs for some holiday party. The trick will be making my case while staying level headed and not crying!

Dentist Appt

Today was Jada's first (yes, she is six and yes I am just now taking her) dentist appointment. I expected her to be scared and nervous. We talked about it. Well scared doesn't begin to cover it. First, the waiting room. She was bouncing off the walls, hyper! Then, when its her turn, we head back to the room we would be in. She reluctantly got into the chair. The hygenist layed the chair back to take a look. That took Jada by suprise. Then she used the mirror thing to have a look and that went well. But, the next little tool was the one with the little hook looking things on both ends. The hygenist had it in Jada's mouth but Jada got a look at the other end of that tool and jerked her head. I am no thankful for the reflexes of the hygenist because some how the hook did not go through Jada's check like a fish hook! That was it. There was no going back. She tried to explain to Jada what she was going to do and that it wouldn't hurt her. But Jada wasn't having it. She was having none of it. The dentist tried to have a look an was able to see inside but nothing else. They weren't really patient enough to allow her extra time to calm down and explain things. But it isn't there fault. Just trying to blame someone. They said that she needed to go to someone who could sedate her and they couldn't do that there. I left barely holding myself together. On our ride to school, I tried to not think about how mad I was (not mad at Jada but her anxiety) and think about how she must be feeling. Once we got to school I told her that she I both had to shake it off and not let it affect the rest of our days, knowing full well that my emotions were spent already. I hugged her and walked her to class. I hope she is able to have a good day despite it all.

We have a really good pediatric dentist here but they limit the amount of patients they accept on her insurance to those with diabilities. I've called before and plead my case about Type 1 and Bipolar, ADHD, and Anxiety but with no luck. So this morning, on a mission, I drove there. I asked for the office manager. She was a very nice lady. I sat with her in their waiting room and I fell apart trying to explain to her what had happened and the help we needed. I didn't have to explain too much about the difficulties with bipolar because she has a a child with bipolar. She heard my case and I asked for help. She said she had to speak with the Dentist first and then would get back with me probably on Tuesday. But not twenty minutes later, she had called me back to say that they would be happy to have her as a patient! I was very excited to get that call!

Most of my daily issues are usually with Jada so I find that Erin doesn't get mentioned much. So here is how her morning went. For a while now, she has not been wanting to ride the bus to school. I am not sure why. She says it takes to long to get there. But I wonder if it is becuase if I bring her then she gets one on one time with me, even though we are just riding in the car singing songs. Yesterday morning was so hectic with Jada, that I put Erin on the bus crying just to she wouldn't be late as well. Then afterschool, Erin and I went to have her stitch removed from her mouth and she tells me that she wants to start riding the bus in the morning again. Okay I said. Now this morning. Once she saw that Jada wasn't going to school right away, she decided she didn't want to ride the bus, she wanted me to bring her to school. She cried the whole way there. Why you wonder? Well, she decided to pick a spring sweater to wear instead of a jacket and I wasn't having that. I dropped her off at school with a jacket on and away she went to class.

So now my goal will be to be productive at work until I get off. Here's hoping for that to happen!

Rough morning!

Jada had a rough patch this morning. When it was time to get dressed, she claimed she needed help to get up. Yeah. Okay. I told her matter of factly that she could get up and I was not going to help her and her whining was not going to help anything. Then her mimi-meltown. Her clothes weren't what she wanted to wear. We had to change her site. She stopped my hand when I was doing the insertion which caused the needed to go into her skin but not like it should have so it started bleeding. She cried for that. She didn't want me to put the site there anymore, but of course, that is where the numbing cream was so that is where it had to be. Then all that time, she wasn't actually eating her breakfast because she says she was so tired. So I had to fix her other breakfast since her cereal was all soggy now. It was one thing after the next. So at that point, I knew there was no getting her to school on time. I fixed Erin's hair and got her on the bus, which she wasn't happy about so that she wouldn't be late too. I finished getting ready while Jada ate breakfast then off we went. I hate that being late for school for diabetes and mood problems doesn't count as excused. Like I am going to have to bring her to a doctor to get a note everytime. Newsflash to the school board...Diabetes and Bipolar Disorder don't run on schedules! I expect a call from out truancy officer in which I will have to explain the same thing to her again!

Dr. G

I picked Jada up from school around 2 pm this afternoon to head to BR to Doc G's office. The car ride was pleasant. When we arrived, I fixed Jada's hair and we began to walk toward the office. So I tried again to remind her about Doc G, about the M&Ms in his office but she remembered who he was. I asked her if she was going to talk to him this time and she said she didn't feel like it, that she wanted me to talk to him. So I said OK. Once we were in Doc G's office, he began asking her about Thanksgiving and other stuff. And then it happened. She started talking to him. She answered his questions, shyly of course, but she talked to him. She even expressed some of her feelings and it was GREAT! I wanted to cry. I was so proud of her. She did great. He added a medication for axiety. A low dose to take the edge off. So we will see how that does after I start it over the weekend. He also added an after school dose of Intuniv to help carry over into the evening since she has been so hyperactive and up in the evening time. Hopefully, insurance will cover the 3mg and 1 mg prescriptions. I am thinking there will be some sort of battle for that but only time will tell.