Isolated

Disclosure:

I have one in-person, real-life friend who I rely on heavily to stay as sane as possible. I have been blessed with many in-my-computer, real-but-far-away, they-get-it D-Mom friends. And I have started to reach out and "meet" several in-my-computer, real-but-far-away, they-get-it B(Bipolar)-Moms.

I have a few (as in can count them on one hand) other people that I talk to on occasion but really have no clue about the difficulties involved in raising a a child with invisible disorders/diseases.

Then I have my family: My mom, who we live with so sees every meltdown, rage, high and low bg, mania and the good times; My two brothers, their wives, and kids.

On with my post!

I am very heartbroken.

If you have been reading my blog, you will have read about Jada's latest breakdowns which include her saying that no one likes her and she feels alone. I have also written about how as an adult and her mom who knows that her out of control at times actions and hateful words are a result (symptom) of her disorder and how hard it is to get over, move on, forget, the "I hate you" that she was yelling five minutes ago and is now replacing with "I love you." So I can see how another child would have difficulty going with the flow that is Jada's mood swings.

I don't know if no one wants to play with her at school, I am not there. I don't know if it is just certain kids that have seen her at her worst. The other morning, when I was dropping her off at school, a kid that was in her class got out two cars in front of us so Jada hurried to get out and called out that friend's name. The girl turned around, saw it was Jada and kept walking. Was she doing this because she doesn't like Jada? Was she doing this because she was just walking to class? Who knows??? But it saddened me.

Next weekend, my mom is supposed to watching my brother's kids while he and his wife go on (another) trip with her parents. The girls were supposed to come to our house. That was the plan. Now, as of this week, plans have changed. After many phone calls to my mom, my brother expressed that he would feel more comfortable with her going there to watch his kids instead of them coming to our house. The reason...Jada. I get this from my own brother. I feel like I have been punched right in the stomach.

How is the outside world supposed to accept her when she gets rejected by family?

I can do everything in my power to help her. I can get the right combination of medicines to stabilize her mood as much as they can. I can take her to therapy every two weeks. I can teach her coping skills to deal with difficult situations. But none of that changes how she is perceived by others. She is simply an unstable child with a mental illness.

And that is heartbreaking.