What a Ride!

My oldest brother often camps out in his back yard with my niece and a few friends from their neighborhood. Jada and Erin had been asking to join them and we were invited this past Friday night to enjoy a camp out complete with hot dogs, smores, campfire, DIABETES, and MOOD INSTABILITY!

So after Jada's school day was over on Friday, we headed over (they live a little over an hour away) for the fun. Jada and Erin were both excited, as was I. I had big plans for getting to sleep in a bed by myself for an entire night. I was even hoping to watch a movie with my sis-in-law if the kids went to bed early enough. Everything was all set for a fun evening.

Except, bipolar was there too. I didn't invite bipolar(and I am sure no one else did either). With bipolar, normal kid things, like she has my toy, can drastically change a happy, sweet kid into a full blown rage complete with name calling and/or physical acts such as hitting or biting. Yep. Bipolar was there. Jada had several mini-rages that never reached a physical level but name calling is harsh for kids, well for anyone. At least an adult (an empathic adult) can have some sort of understanding of the situation but another child...I don't see how that is possible. Jada is happily playing and getting along great with the kids and in an instant she can be calling another child stupid or worse. I then deescalate her aggression and she goes back to play with the kids (after an apology from her of course). What makes another child want to play with a child like that? It is very hard to understand. I am an adult and I know that Jada has these issues and it is very hard sometimes to go along with her moods from the I love you one minute to the I hate you the next, from the best mom to the worst mom. It is very hard to be on this see-saw and I know what is causing it. We had about five episodes that night.

Diabetes was there too. There was food...hot dogs and smores. At the finish of the smores, I checked her bg and she was only in the 200s which anyone would be happy with but not with a little over 3 units of insulin on board (for my non-D moms, insulin on board means the active insulin in her system not yet used) which at that time of the evening/night, could cause her to drop too low very quickly. I silently start freaking out but came up with a game plan. I fed her fruit snacks which we never keep at home so that was a treat for her. She didn't like those too much so she didn't eat as much as I would have liked so I fed her a hand full of Ritz peanut butter crackers and sent her on her way. At midnight, I headed on out to the tent to check her bg only to find that she wasn't where she was when I tucked her in. It was a sight, me in the dark, middle of the night, trying to find my D kid in a dark tent filled with girls. That was the most challenging bg check ever for me. Once I found her, I couldn't help but chuckled to myself at what a sight this would be and the thought of checking the wrong kid! I had this very tiny space to fit my queen sized self, all while trying to keep my balance and not fall on all the girls! Then trying to see the blood for the bg check! Man it was tough! But I made it. And for the first time ever, I was scared to be twenty-five feet away from her. I went to bed with a heavy heart worried about one of my (and all of ours) worst fear. Of course, my fear went unfounded.

Saturday went great. No major incidences unless I am blocking them out! We headed home that afternoon and had a good evening together.

We all slept until about 10:30 Sunday morning. We were all exhausted. It was really good to catch up on lost sleep. After we rolled out of bed, we had our first incident of the day. It wasn't a good one. I don't remember what set Jada off but something did. Lots of verbal aggression. Thirty minutes later, she was calm again and headed off to the toy room to play. Something happened in there about iCarly, Teen Titans, Erin and deleting something and Jada started off again. This time, like so many times before, all of Jada's verbal aggression was directed straight at Erin. Twenty minutes later, Jada had settled down again and wanted to head to my room to play. She and I did and her first concern was wondering where Erin was. She was now ready to play and be silly with the same kid who ten minutes ago was "stupid and ruining her life." We all had a tickle fight and the rest of the day is a blur.

Today I called Dr. O. Something in Jada's medicine cocktail isn't working. My gut was telling me the Strattera which is being used for ADHD but can have the same affects as an anti-depressant which works against mood stabilizers. I left a lenghthy voicemail about my concerns for Jada's behavior and how it seems we are once again traveling down this road that will lead to Jada hurting herself or someone else. I voiced my opinion about the Strattera and how I thought we needed to stop it. I received a call back from the office later this afternoon. Dr. O wanted to change the Abilify dose to 2 mg in the am and 2 in the pm. Nothing was said about the Strattera. But my gut was very uneasy. I have no problem increasing a medicine if I thought it would help but I felt like the Strattera was the culprit. Jada's aggressive behavior began to creep up after we began this medicine and continues to get worse.

This afternoon when I picked Jada up from school, I knew what kind of night we were in for. Bipolar kids can often keep their composure in front of others. They can often make it through an entire school day without any signs of struggle. They hold all of their anger and frustration in and unleash it when they feel safe. Safe at home. Safe with a parent. Jada immediately began yelling. Yelling stuff that I couldn't quite understand but can't ask for a repeat cause that just makes it worse. All I got was some kid (a boy, an older boy who seems tall enough to be playing high school basketball) was teasing her. She says that the adult in charge (after school program, usual guy wasn't there) didn't fuss at him and only fussed at her for yelling at the boy. She got into the car and began to punch her car seat. We made it home, thankfully we only live five blocks away. She and I headed to my room where she just melted into the bed. She began hitting the bed and pillow. She was saying things like no one likes her, she doesn't have any friends, her life is ruined, and we never do anything fun among other things. Twenty minutes later, she had raged herself to sleep. She slept for an hour. When she woke up she was in a much better mood. She ate dinner which during her rage, she claimed was nasty and she didn't like. She had a bath, watched a movie, and then headed to bed.

While she was sleeping, I called Dr. O. I explained Jada's behavior that afternoon and my concern that we were headed for Jada hurting herself or someone else. I told her that my issue wasn't with increasing the Abilify but I felt that the culprit adding to her aggressive behavior was the Strattera. She agreed with my wish of stopping the Strattera and said we should see results in four to five days.

If you have read this far, THANK YOU so much. Your support is tremendously helpful! Sorry for another post as long as a novel!

On another note...no word from school yet about my letters!