Depression

I went missing. Missing from even myself.

I've been a person going through the motions of life.

Depression got the best of me these last seven months. Summertime came. We got off schedule. I became less of a priority to myself. All that combined, I started missing doses of my medicine a day at a time. That soon become days. Then a week. Until I thought I was ok with out it and stopped taking it completely. But the hard stuff in life hit me harder than it should. The lows drug me lower. It took me quite some time to notice the downward spiral I was on. Once I did notice, I didn’t know how to get out much less have the energy to get out. So further down I continued to go.

Depression is a powerful thing. It can grab a hold on you and not let you go. It’s like a strong current in the ocean, you never notice it pulling you away until you look up and see how far you drifted from the beach. Then you have to swim extremely hard to get out of it. Powerful. Depression can lead to hoplessness which can lead you to make some not so smart decisions. Decisions like the ones I've been making for the last seven months.

I’ve been stuck in the current for quite some time. So I sit here looking at how far I have drifted from the beach and figuring how to swim my way back.

This may not be what my blog is intended to be about but it’s a part of my life. I’m not ashamed I suffer from depression. Always have. I started on medication in August 2007 and as life has shown me, medication is needed for me to function.

I am better than I was at one point but still have a long way to go to be where I am a functioning person and mother.

Update: Since I posted this, I have started an additional blog about my depression. Please visit http://adrepessedbipolar.blogspot.com/. I have had an overwhelming amount of hits to this post, so please go over to my other blog and join me in my journey.